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Side Effects of Restriction: Why I Take More Food Than I Can Eat
For the longest time, I couldn't understand why I wanted to eat everything in sight or nothing at all. I couldn't just eat one cookie. In fact, I didn't even want just one cookie. I wanted the whole tray. I knew I wouldn't and couldn't eat the whole tray (even during...
Why Eating Disorders Make It Hard to Eat with People
When I was anorexic, I hated eating out. I was always torn between either spending time with my friends or staying in my room. It wasn't uncommon for my roommate to suggest we grab Mexican food between classes, or for a group of my friends to gather at Olive Garden on...
Eating Disorders, Body Image, Finding Health
Confession time! I had a bit of a weight pity-party this weekend. My self-doubt and body-image frustrations were revitalized on Saturday night around 9:30pm as I scrolled through the news on my phone and saw an article about Meghan Markle and her royal wedding. See, I...
Stop Talking About Sugar Fasts, Fad Diets, and Juice Cleanses
For as long as I can remember, I saw myself as fat. Yes, I was a bit chubby when I was 8 and 9 years old (I later grew out of my baby fat when I hit my growth spurt), but I was nowhere close to unhealthy or fat. Nonetheless, fat was my nickname. I was called fat by my...
My Motivational Yo-Yo

My Motivational Yo-Yo

I want to recover from my eating disorder! No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't. Oh bother... Is it just me, or does your...

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Hopelessness
Today was really, really rough. I just got back to university from my holiday break, ready to start my last semester of college. A week before I returned to school, I had a call with an eating disorder recovery center about 15 minutes away from campus. Over the...
Eating Disorders and Accepting Compliments
A few days ago, I was at my university's gym running on the treadmill. I wish I could say I was there purely to strengthen my body, improve my mood, and dwell on my overall health and fitness. But nope. I was exercising because my eating disorder told me I had eaten...
Eating Disorder Recovery And COVID-19
My life was completely upended a couple of weeks ago. The day before spring break, my university announced that classes would be moved online and that all students had to move off campus. That same evening, I packed up my dorm room and said goodbye to the college...
Side Effects of Restriction: Why I Take More Food Than I Can Eat
For the longest time, I couldn't understand why I wanted to eat everything in sight or nothing at all. I couldn't just eat one cookie. In fact, I didn't even want just one cookie. I wanted the whole tray. I knew I wouldn't and couldn't eat the whole tray (even during...
Setting New Goals In Recovery

Setting New Goals In Recovery

Yesterday was not great, to say the least. First, I have been restricting in ways I shouldn't for the past couple of weeks. Everything came to a head yesterday afternoon. I was starving and no one was in the house, so I binged. I ate and ate and ate. It was my first...

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